I’m on Twitter!!! I know, you’re probably asking “what the heck is Twitter?” There’s a really good video on YouTube that will expain it better than I can.

So, as you can see it’s a type of micro-blogging, social networking, media 2.0, type of thingy. The definition is kinda in flux, but basically it’s anything you want it to be.  And it works with your non-Blackberry, non-IPhone cell phone too.  If you can “text” on your mobile phone then you can Tweet. So it’s highly mobile and portable.

The founder of Twitter, Evan Williams started this thingy to answer the question: “Hey, what are you doing?” but it’s taken on a life of its own.  You can do so much with it:

• You can follow famous people on Twitter. No, not their PR people, but actually them.  Mom, you can follow Oprah, that’s OPRAH!!!  Also, you can follow Martha Stuart, Demi Moore, Ellen Degeneres, Soleil Moon Frye Punky Brewster, and a whole bunch more.
• You can track packages on Twitter so that you can stalk those packages that you send up here. It works with FedEx, UPS and the USPS.
• You can also keep your Google Calendar up to date too with Twittercal. It’s a little complicated, but I can help you set it up.
• You can also get notifications from your ToDo list from RememberTheMilk.com.
• Know the location of people who are using Twitter Tweeting by using Twittervision.
• You can also read books.  Yep, read books! There’s a cool service that will read a book to Twitter.
• Also, you can also receive weather forecasts by either following a weather forecaster like Al Roker (@ARoker) or you can use Twitter Forecast.
• There are also a bunch of stuff you can do to promote your business or find a job or drive traffic to your Blog or whatever.  The list just keeps growing and growing.

I know it’s a lot to comprehend right now, but I just wanted to make you aware that I’m now on Twitter

p.s. if you’re looking for some help navigating all those abbreviations and acronyms, there is a comprehensive glossary of  Twitter acronym which can be found here.

Love you,

(http://twitter.com/jmfailla)

• For the taxes I pay, because that means that I’m employed.
• For the mess to clean after a dinner party, because it means that I have been surrounded by friends and family.
• For the clothes that fit a little too snug on me these days, because it means I have more than enough to eat.
• For my shadow that follows me when I walk down the street, because it means that I am out in the sunshine.
• For the bathroom that needs cleaning, the dishes that are in the sink, the carpeting that needs vacuuming, because it means that I have a home.
• For all the complaining the pundits say about my government, because that means that we have freedom of speech.
• For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot, because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with transportation I can afford to use.
• For my heating bill, because it means that I am warm.
• For the parishioners in my church that sing off key, because it means that I can hear.
• For the pile of laundry in my bedroom that needs to be cleaned and the shirts and pants that I need to iron, because it means I have clothes to wear.
• For the aggravation and grief my mom gives me, because it means that she is alive and can still give it to me. 
• For the exhaustion I feel after running after my 4 year old, because it means that he is healthy, active and mine.
• For the arguments, disagreements, fights and other emotional times with my wife, because it means she is physically, emotionally and mentally fit to be in a loving relationship with me.
• For the weariness and stress I feel at the end of a long day, because it means I’m capable of working hard.
• For the alarm clock that goes off early in the morning, because it means that I am alive.

Recently, I’ve had several of my acquaintances, family members and friends ask me to review their resumes. What is especially frustrating for me reviewing resumes of people that I know is that I know them.  I know what they’re capable of. I know what their experience is like.  I know that they are so much better than their resumes are reflecting them.  At work I’ve been deluged by an epidemic of poorly written resumes.  And I’m sure that the many people I’m filtering out of my interview process are more talented, more experienced, and might be even perfect for the job, but the hiring process dictates that I rely on their resume first to tell me who I should interview.  Otherwise, I would be interviewing hundreds of people every week.  And if they’re not going to take the time to properly represent themselves to me, I’m not going to take the time out to interview them… Enough said!

Resumes tell an employer a great deal about you. Where you have been, where you are now, and where you are headed. This story needs to be told concisely and quickly.  One of my favorite managers of all time use to say to me: “Tell me the TIME; don’t build me a WATCH!” You have 30 seconds to convince the employer that your resume deserves some consideration. It needs to shout, “I am the one you want on your team!” 

It’s sole intent is to get the hiring manager or the recruiter calling you up for more information about you. From there you should get an in-person interview – hopefully if you didn’t screw up the phone call…

Length:

Unless you’re Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Lee Iococca, or Jack Welch, you’re resume should be no longer than one page in length.  - You heard me right! One page – not one page and half. One page.  The second page, statistically speaking, almost never gets the same attention of the first page.  Well if you’re a CEO of a Fortune 500 company and you’ve been COO, VP of Sales and Marketing, than there’s probably an exception for you to have more than one page.  But for the 99% of us who do not have such a track record, ONE PAGE…

And no Tom, you don’t need a lot of white space- this is not artwork – it’s your resume.  Giving your resume white space is not going to magically get your resume to jump out at people.  Recruiters and hiring managers don’t really care about white space — they want to see the content.   Use a 10 point type and your margins can be .5″ left and right and .75″ on the top and bottom. 

The second page is relegated to the stuff in career that’s way back and most likely not too relevant to the job you’re applying for anyway. 

Color:

Not purple, not light blue, not eggshell white, not fuchsia, just WHITE.  And no need to get cute with it.  I recently received a resume with the candidate’s portrait lightly watermarked behind his text.  I’ve keep it on my bulletin board, not because I would ever call him for an interview, but it makes a GREAT conversation piece to my colleagues who come into my office and chuckle at it.  Don’t confuse marketing yourself with being ineffective.  Remember the point of a resume is to get the job.  In order to get the job, you need to do two things: relay the jobs you’ve had and also let the recruiter/hiring manager how well you’ve done them.  Marketing all of this information on a colorful piece of paper or as a book cover for the book you’ve authored (don’t ask!) is meaningless.

Header:

Name, address, email address, and your phone number.  If you want to put your home and your cell that’s fine.  And about that email address… spend $10 a year and get a grown-up domain name or go get a GMail account – it’s free and something simple to setup.  Not something with an AOL domain either – this isn’t 1993 – Tom!!!  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to reply to “QTPie64@aol.com” or “EverQuest4Ever@optonline.com.” It’s blatantly ridiculous how the line of people’s professional lives and their goofy personal lives are blurred. Aargh! 

Order: 

After the Header, the rest of the resume should be jobs in reverse chronological order. Education all the way down at the bottom of the page.  Your education is important, but your job history is more important to me. Each job should have three parts to it:

1. Dates of the job first.  And YES please put the month.  When I’m looking at a person’s job history and it excludes months, I’m going to assume that they are hiding a considerable gap (more than 3 months) in their history. After the date a colon, your job title and if it’s a generic title like Marketing Manager, please put ‘of what?’ next to it: Marketing Manager of US Territories. 
2. Your job responsibilities and tasks in paragraph form.
3. Your accomplishments in bullet format one after another.

For those who know me, I am the very proud father of a 4 year old boy.  Currently, my wife Deb and I are working very hard in raising him with what we consider to be good manners.  [Warning --ranting will ensue!] It’s just one of my pet peeves, but I cannot get over how many people that I encounter on regular basis that don’t possess good manners.  Holding a door open for the person behind you; looking at a cashier and saying “Good Morning” or “Hi there!”; “Have a nice day”; “Have a good weekend”; “Please”; “Thank you”; “No, thank you”; etc. All gone!

The other day I was at the local fast-food restaurant waiting on line and this British mum and her young child was in front of me. I was totally impressed with the politeness of this woman and her child.  Let me give you a line reading of what went on:

Cashier: Good morning! What would you like today?

Mum: Could I get one egg on a roll with cheese, please?

Cashier: Sure, would you like some coffee with that?

Mum: Yes, please.

Cashier: Would you like anything else?

[Mum looks at her 5 year old and asks her to speak up.]

Child: Can I have a bagel with some jelly, please?

Cashier: Will that be all?

Mum and child: [Almost in unison] Yes, please.

Cashier: That will be $7.56, please.

[Mum counting exact change and handing it to the cashier.]

Cashier: Thanks.

Mum: Thanks, ever so.

Child: Thank you.

Now, let me replay the same scene with a typical mom and child from America (more specifically, New York). 

Cashier: Good morning! What would you like today?

Mom: Yeah. An egg sandwich with cheese.

Cashier: Sure, would you like some coffee with that?

Mom: Yup.

Cashier: Would you like anything else?

Mom [To child]: What do you want?

Child: I want a bagel! With jelly!

Cashier: Anything else with that?

Mom [answering for herself and her child]: Nope

Cashier: That will be $7.56, please.

[Mom hands money with exact change to the cashier.]

Cashier: Thanks.

[Mom nods and walks away]

Have we all gotten too busy in our lives that we cannot afford to be polite and civilized with each other? Are the words, “Please” and “Thank you” dead in our language? The long established common courtesy duo are fading more and more.  Are they going into retirement, never to show their faces ever again?

I recently worked on training 25 customer service reps to be more effective in their roles as representatives of their company. In doing so, I discovered that 75% rarely ever used “please” and “thank you” in their dialogue with their customers. They honestly did not realize it was missing in their language.   These were not children, like my 4 year old son. They were young men and women who were unaware of the concepts of courtesy and respect. They are not alone. This has become a disease which is rapidly spreading. Although it might be prevalent in younger people, it is widespread across many generations.

This morning I tried an experiment. I held a door to a busy store that I was entering and five people walked in as I waited. One person said “thank you” and one smiled politely. The remainder just barged in, oblivious to both me, my courtesy and the world around them.

What the heck is going on? What has happened? This certainly is not an isolated incident. This is occurring on a daily basis and becoming more and more frequent. At what point, in which generation did we decide life would be better if we took simple acts of respect and courtesy out of the equation?

Please tell me how wrong I am.  Is it just that I’m attracting rude behavior?  Tell me about your rude or very polite observations.  I would love to read about them…

So today was my last day at work. My co-workers threw me a pizza party which was a nice surprise. I really did not think it was going to be this much of an emotional roller coaster ride. But I am here to tell you that it is hard saying goodbye. I have worked with the company around 4 years and have formed a lot of friends as well as respect many of them as they are dedicated, smart and very hard workers. I started yesterday saying goodbye to some of them and (in full disclosure) tears wanted to flow. I will really miss A LOT of people there at work, REALLY MISS THEM. But I am looking forward to making new friends in my new job and forming friendships like I have here. Starting a new life and hopefully becoming happy deep inside myself. After some reflection and a steady stream of emotions throughout this week, I thought that if might be relevant to discuss the challenges and benefits from having friends at work.

People who are pro-work place friendships will maintain that an office buddy or two could provide feedback on your performance or act as that proverbial sounding board. And naturally, an upside of maintaining a work place buddy is that they of course make coming to work enjoyable which can be directly related to your productivity. As a matter of fact, many companies including my new employer will put a premium ($$$) on referring your friends for employment. So that’s some of the good stuff.

Now, I must give equal time to the other side of the coin. Let’s start with a friendship that takes a turn for the worse. Some companies have policies that prohibit or discourage romantic fraternization among coworkers for this very reason. Things can turn ugly and certainly work against the productivity thing.

Also, you can run the risk of too much socializing with your friends which can quickly turn against you especially during performance review time (I’m speaking from personal experience). I know many backwards thinking draconian managers who do not favor this type of socializing saying that it is “productivity prevention” at its worse. An in some cases, friendships can create cliques and can alienate other office workers.

So here is the million dollar question: Once you click with a fellow coworker, should you invest in the relationship? Now before I address this I need to disclose that I’ve always taken a somewhat cynical attitude to friendship in that the term, ‘friendship’ is used way too loosely at times and people often confuse acquaintences with friendships – true friendships. But that’s for another posting…
So let’s talk about trust. For example, when you make friends with someone at the office, typically you eventually begin to reveal what you really think about managers, coworkers, etc. In the back of your mind you’ve got to be hoping they won’t divulge that information, intentionally or unintentionally, to anyone else. You need to really measure your trust in this person as your misguided confidence in their discretion could be a disaster for you at work – remember that!

When all said and done, you need to do what ultimately works for you and in that light I would like to give you some tips that will keep you grounded as you make your decision to make friends at work.

• Converse. People are social animals and need to talk to each other. If you would like to make friends at work you will need to talk to other people. I know way too many people, especially in an office with a lot of segregated offices, that almost never leave their offices except for a bathroom break or to get to a meeting. Talking could be good thing and talking about non-work related things can make the day enjoyable.
• Good listening. How many times are you in conversation, only to be waiting for your opportunity to interject or to reciprocate with a like experience? Good listening is something we could all improve upon, it is a precious skill and crucial for good friendship. Good listening will draw people to you, but watch out for those selfish many few that will only engage as their sounding board and never return the favor of being a good listener.
• Join other people (groups). Some companies have organized groups (prayer groups, WeightWatchers, lunch groups, etc.) that are just waiting for you to join. So keep an eye on lunchroom bulletin boards or intranet sites for these type of groups and when they meet and make a concerted effort to join.
• Avoid Losers Loners. Every workplace has this type of individual. You know that person: someone who for whatever reason choose to avoid the cliques and groups and sometimes disdain associations with others. Yes, I know if you’re the type of person that likes bring home stray puppies or like big improvement projects or have a lot to give go for it. Go for the lowest hanging fruit and stay with those who are open for socialization.
• Get Out of Your Comfort Zone. Let’s face it we all like what is familiar to us and find it comforting to stay in this comfort zone. For example, how many of you start a new job get friendly with only one or two people that you work closely with and never leave this clique? That can be an obstacle in your networking strategy (stay tuned for another posting on this one) and will prevent you from branching out and maximizing your relationship building within the organization. Step out of your comfort zone and seek out other people.
• “Do” Lunch. The quintessential opportunity to build relationships and friendships at work is what happens on your breaks. Lunch is a great opportunity to vent about your boss, your work, you spouse, children, parents or anything else that might be on your mind. ‘Breaking bread’ with people at work paves the way for long lasting and healthy friendships at work.
• Be inclusive not exclusive. Always include others in what you are going to do with your work friends. This is an excellent way to avoid becoming a clique. You’d be surprised in how many people will accept an offer when it is extended.

I’ve never been a firm believer of New Year’s resolutions as many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits. So in my own cynical way, I thought that I would post a not-so-serious look at my resolutions for 2008.

1. I resolve to work with a neglected child. (my own)
2. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
3. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, “ROFLOL… LOL!”
4. I will balance my checkbook. (on my nose).
5. I will think of a password for my computer other than “password.”
6. I will try to figure out why I “really” need 11 e-mail addresses.
7. I will buy some Beanie Babies as a solid foundation for a long-term investment strategy.
8. I will define the difference between what my wife says from what she means.
9. I resolve to buy an extra big thesaurus because I am running out of words to describe my hatred of the current US administration.
10. I resolve to hack Britney Spears’ FaceBook account and steal her 2,000,000 friends!

I promise to take more risk…

I promise to not drink so much…

I promise to lose weight…

I promise to stop tailgating police cars…

I promise to be more active…

I promise to stop speeding…

I promise to stop parking at fire hydrants when I visit my mother-in-law…

Deck the halls with boughs of non-endangered plant species
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Tis the season to be self-actualizing,
Fa la la la la, la la la la

Don we now our alternate-lifestyle apparel
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Toll the ancient non-sectarian-winter-solstice-equal opportunity holiday carol
Fa la la la la, la la la la

See the blazing log of non-sectarian-winter-solstice-holiday-non-endangered wood before us,
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Play the harp without unnecessary brutality and join the new paradigm chorus
Fa la la la la, la la la la

Sing we emotionally stable in a collective group effort,
Fa la la la la la la la la
Heedless of the weather patterns despite the effects of El Niño,
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Fast away the mature year passes
Fa la la la la la la la la

Hail the new year without any implicit ageism, ye persons
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Dance in a non-hierarchical manner in merry esoteric measure,
Fa la la la la la la la la

While I tell of non-materialistic, non-sectarian-winter-solstice-holiday treasure,
Fa la la la la, la la la la

“Every company in America should be on their knees thanking Jesus for being born,” news big mouth and everyone’s favorite idiot commentator, Bill O’Reilly, said on a Fox News program. “Without Christmas, most American businesses would be far less profitable. That’s more than enough reason for business to be screaming Merry Christmas.”

I can’t believe that I would actually agree with this guy, but he’s right. After Wal-Mart took a sharp decline in “holiday” sales in 2005, they kicked Christmas into high gear for this 2006 & 2007 seasons.

What is it about the word “Christmas” that is so offensive to some people? And why do the slightest displays of public spirituality work some do-do-heads people up in such a tizzy? I find myself asking that question a lot, but I think I already know the answer. We’ve lost our sense of belonging to an organized religion. That’s fine, people have a right not to like or accept whomever, but it would be nice if the anti-faith brigade would just stop pretending like they are the models of tolerance, acceptance, open-mindedness, and diversity while doing everything they can to marginalize Christian expression.

Today we’re not arguing over burning heretics at the stake, nowadays it’s whether or not we should be able to say “Merry Christmas” at work or put up a nativity scene on public property. I have a friend that works at the Paramus (NJ) mall. It’s a clothing store that sells products targeted towards teens and young adults. She was reprimanded recently because she made the very inappropriate mistake of asking a customer if he was “Christmas shopping.” It’s not Christmas shopping she was told by her superior, it’s “Holiday shopping” and she was not to repeat the other awful phrase ever again. Not only that, but she was told that as Christmas does approach, she will only be allowed to use the phrase “Happy Holidays.”

Give me a break – how stupid!!!!!

This crazed politically correctness is not limited to this clothing store, of course. It can be found in grade schools, universities, government buildings and corporations all over the country. The majority of individuals pushing for the de-spiritualizing of Christmas and politically correct speech codes are doing so because they want to show how “tolerant,” “open-minded” and “diverse” they are. The only problem is that tolerance, open-mindedness, and diversity are rarely ever demonstrated to theologically conservative Christians or anyone else who doesn’t believe in a radical [insert political position here] agenda.

It also is appropriate to consider those whom the politically correct elite are kowtowing to. Let me just be very blunt, if it offends you that bad to hear someone say “Merry Christmas,” if you internally get that worked up over seeing a nativity scene, and if you are a smarmy elementary school administrator that prohibits one of your teachers from teaching 5th graders about the Declaration of Independence because it mentions God (as was made public last a few months ago), then it is you and not everybody else who has a problem. You’re the one who needs to have your attitude and values checked, not those nasty and backwards Christmas well-wishers.

Okay, none of these extremes should take place, but the political correctness controversies during the Christmas season are getting ridiculous. Saying Merry Christmas is not offensive. People should be free to choose which season’s greeting they’d like to say to others, may that be Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Seasons Greetings, Happy Kwanza or even Happy Festivus.

Don’t embrace a politically correct, generic holiday to satisfy the whiners around you, embrace Christmas or your own special holiday! And to the whiners: be tolerant. The right to religion and free speech is a luxury we are all allowed to enjoy.

Personally, I’ve been through countless corporate restructures, mergers, new bosses, new team members, new employees, etc. and it never ceases to amaze me how differently people respond to change. Change management is a basic skill that all people, especially leaders, working in corporate America need to have as a core competency but few do. And just when you think that it is handled well, it is often not. What I’ve done below is give a somewhat educated and yes, Tom, academic look at some of my philosophy behind enabling change from my past experiences as someone who has been affected by change and the effector of change.

When I have had the opportunity to be an agent of change, I’ve always kept in mind several that there are general issues that always need to be well respected:

1. Everyone reacts differently to change. It’s not one-size-fits-all.
   • The opposite of change is stability. Many people like stability.
   • Generally speaking, most people tend to resist change and welcome stability but there are a few fools people out there that dislike stability.
2. Everyone has intrinsic and fundamental needs that have to be met. Don’t undermine people’s needs.
   • [Alert, alert, alert - academic alert!!!] Will Schultz, a well known humanistic psychologist, identified three basic needs that people have when dealing with change:
     1. A need for control
     2. A need to be included
     3. A need for freedom/openness
   • Everyone, to some degree need to feel in control of their destiny, need to be or feel included in the process and need an openness about information about the change.
3. Change = loss of some type – and therefore will encounter a “loss curve.” [Can be applied to all types of change.]
   • There is an initial period where things don’t sink in at first. People will typically be in denial of the change at first.
   • Then they eventually feel the loss and will hit an all-time low. The degree of this low can be fierce if it is unexpected.
   • Finally, there is an adjustment period to the new situation. It is at this stage that usually can take quite a while to reach depending on the resistance to this change.
4. Managing expectations need to be realistic. Don’t be a used car salesman!
   • Anyone who has been involved in sales knows when expectations are not met which creates unhappy customers. The same thing applies here: if expectations are exceeded then you will have a happy customer.
5. Everyone’s fears need to be acknowledged and dealt with. Much bitching will ensue!
   • Here is the point where intelligent, educated, and completely rational become irrational and illogical. I’ve seen it way too many times. These fears need to be addressed realistically and honestly. (e.g. Yes, you are losing your job, but there is a good severance package waiting for you, and good outplacement which will see you through this.)

To that end, it is important that you do the following when you are the agent of change:

• Information, information, information. Give people information. Be honest about the facts and don’t be too optimistic. Don’t lie speculate. And don’t for any reason, manage unreal expectations. Despite what some blood-sucking managers think, information is not power, it’s good for business.
• Develop a communication strategy that guarantees that information is distributed comprehensively and evenly to everyone as to eliminate a rumor-mill grapevine effect.
• Give people choices to make, but also inform them of the consequences of those choices. Empower people whenever and wherever you can.
• Give people time to go through the “loss curve” and help them through it through discussions, coaching/mentoring, and as much support as you can muster. Don’t play psychologist, be a good husband listener.
• Minimize as much fear as possible by identifying what will be replacing the loss. (“You’re job will be taken over by Martians the customer service department.”) This helps the coping mechanism.
• When/where appropriate, give people the opportunity to bitch vent their concerns and provide reassurances when possible.
• Make time for informal discussions and feedback as much as possible as it is easy to avoid these type of bitch-sessions discussions. They are helpful for everyone involved.

Remember that leading change is best when you bring order and calm to what could be a messy situation. Stay organized, disciplined, and ready to bring some compassion and sympathy along the way as well…

Change is always happening. It affects all aspects of our lives: work, family, friends, and self. But why it that some change is so difficult to take? And why do some people suck at it do better than others with it?

Change that is shoved down our throats forced upon us is usually the hardest to deal with. Our natural tendency is to want to do physical harm resist it, dig our heals in and fight it tooth and nail. As humans we are wired to resist things outside our comfort zone and as a result, we usually build up resentment which turns into frustration and then going postal even anger. Often we can feel like a powerless baby victim. We can be emotionally drained due to all of the negative feelings. We hate the world no longer enjoy what we are doing, we lose our sense of purpose (and humor), we start to lack in creativity and energy. But how can we make the most out of this change? How can we adjust to it?

Dealing with change always begins with writing a nasty email letting go of something or many things. What we fail to recognize is that change involves an emotional transition which starts with morning the loss of something: getting fired losing your job; losing a loved one; losing your office; losing your direct reports; losing your boss; losing your responsibilities; losing your benefits, etc.

This loss, or letting go, is usually accompanied by some self-pity, guilt and anxiety about the future. This is usually the emotional transition that happens as a direct result of change. Change sucks isn’t easy. Nobody said it was. And unless you let go of the pain, the negative energy, the bad stuff, it will be nearly impossible for you to to move on in life.

Letting go is a very important step in change as it will refocus your energy to more productive things: looking for a job; cherishing the memories of a loved one; looking forward to the benefits of not having to be responsible for as many reports; etc.

- “Change happens – they keep moving the cheese.”

- “Smell The Cheese Often So You Know When It Is Getting Old.”

“Who Moved My Cheese?” by Dr. Spencer Johnson

These quotes are from one of my favorite books from Dr. Spencer Johnson (from One Minute Manager – fame). It is a short story/fable consisting of 97 pages of big type and even bigger margins. It’s chalk filled with metaphors, good life lessons, cute little characters and some good old fashioned guidance.

N.B. Unfortunately, many corporations have forced employees to read this book usually before a big merger/acquisition or before a restructuring/re-engineering of their workforce. Managers often use the “cheese” metaphor for “success in business” and are often judged on how well they handle the cheese during change. They will have “cheese” meetings, hire expensive consultants who give “cheese” seminars, and break off into small “cheese” discussion groups. I don’t think that Dr. Johnson ever intended to have his work exploited by corporations and repackaged as: Ask only small questions; do not complain; do not whine; accept what you are told; and move with the times.

Despite its small size, Who Moved My Cheese? is masterful at helping people deal with a substantial, psychological roadblock-change. Who Moved My Cheese? tells the story of two mice (Sniff and Scurry) and two “little people” (Hem and Haw) trapped in a maze. Cheese is a metaphor for whatever you want in your life. For the mice, it’s cheese. For the “little people,” it could be success, happiness, or financial security.

Don’t depend upon the status quo. Realize change happens and circumstances, which may have favored you, change. Yet, you can’t control change and are not entitled to things remaining the same. Be ready to move and look for new cheese.

Who Moved My Cheese? provides inspirational guidance to those suffering job loss, downsizing, divorce, or altered life situations. It’s message, to seek out new opportunities, makes the reader, faced with change, want to quit the “It’s-not-fair” hand-wringing and seek opportunity.

Who Moved My Cheese? provides a simple, powerful message to the person confronted with unwelcome change.

In part two of this post (I Need to Move Your Cheese…) I will be exploring the other side of change, that is, when YOU are the agent of change instead of the recipient.

What kind of change are you going through right now? How are you handling it? What did you learn? Could you have handled it any better? I would love to hear some of your stories…

Passive-aggressiveness can be maddening a personality trait as much as a personality flaw disorder. Some people will have varying degrees of this insanity disorder. I’m no psychologist, nor am I trained to diagnose anything at all of this nature, but when it ‘quacks like a duck, looks like a duck and smells like a duck,’ I know it when I see it. And from my teaching days to my corporate days, I also know how to identify and work with passive-aggressors. They come in all ages, shapes and sizes. Can be male, female, child or adult. Hell, my dog Malcolm sometimes can be a little passive-aggressive when he wants something.

The passive-aggressive person is an angered/angry individual who will never let you see it. S/he may be furious, but smile at you and shower you with flattery. Then as you drop your guard, the false front will drop and WHAM! throws you for a loop. The timid imitator will attack you in some subtle way, using deceitful tactics so that you can hardly prove her/him wrong. S/he will act like a friend, but perform like a hidden foe.

Avoidance, lies, deceit, and secret sabotage are in her/his arsenal of weapons. S/he will nurse a small grudge into a major escalation without ever telling you s/he has been offended. As a result, you do not have an opportunity to defend your position, see an honest reconciliation, or make things right between you.

What is behind passive-aggression?

From what I know, passive-aggressive behavior comes from some form of hidden fear. While appearing in control, the passive-aggressor is most likely afraid.

The passive-aggressor can take many forms:

Fears commitment

• S/he might pout or sulk when pressured
• Expert at avoidance, ignoring others, a professional at the silent treatment
• Might withdraw from a relationship when it exceeds a comfort level

Fears competition

• Might cheat if the opportunity arises
• Must enable themselves to be a winner at all costs

Fears deadlines

• Professional procrastinator
• Enjoys the anxiety of those around her/him
• Lingers over responsibility
• Waiting gives them a feeling of power

Fears direct communication and confrontation

• Withholds information
• Keeps secrets
• Promotes half-truths
• Good at excuses
• Can’t provide straight answer
• Dances around the truth
• Embraces ambiguity

Fears progress if it blocks her/his own way:

• Agrees to complete a task and then deliberately fails to accomplish it or does a piss-poor job of it
• He might sabotage the progress as s/he might feel threatened by the advancement of others

Fears being controlled by others

• In defensive mode in full throttle, s/he might think they’re being wrongly criticized
• Likes to play martyr
• Likes to play the victim

Fears intimacy

• Distrusts others
• Persecution complex – a bit paranoid

Fears obligations

• Likes to keep people waiting
• Last one to events
• “Forgets” appointments as a revenge mechanism

In order to deal with someone like that you need to make a decision whether or not the relationship is worth dealing with. Here are some tried and true steps to improving the relationship:

• Don’t get angry – anger empowers them. You can’t prove that s/he’s done anything against you as it is their plan all along. Don’ fall into their trap
• Be direct – this will throw them off-balance as they have a hard time being open, honest and straightforward (even with themselves). Be kind, not spiteful, be bold, be strong. Definitely take the high road when you can.
• Offer facts and details whenever you can – their modus operandi is all about deception (the proverbial sheep in wolf’s clothing). Keep notes of the specifics so that you can refer to them if need be.

Dealing with a passive-aggressive person can be damaging to you and can border on emotional abuse. Be careful that this person does not try to sabotage your successes or derail you from doing the things that you want to do. Learn to recognize the behavior of a passive aggressive person and exercise some tough love when need be.

Try to separate your own sense of identity and self worth from the passive-aggressor. Their misconceptions and false perceptions of reality (especially of you) are incorrect. You are capable and better s/he would have you believe…