So today was my last day at work. My co-workers threw me a pizza party which was a nice surprise. I really did not think it was going to be this much of an emotional roller coaster ride. But I am here to tell you that it is hard saying goodbye. I have worked with the company around 4 years and have formed a lot of friends as well as respect many of them as they are dedicated, smart and very hard workers. I started yesterday saying goodbye to some of them and (in full disclosure) tears wanted to flow. I will really miss A LOT of people there at work, REALLY MISS THEM. But I am looking forward to making new friends in my new job and forming friendships like I have here. Starting a new life and hopefully becoming happy deep inside myself. After some reflection and a steady stream of emotions throughout this week, I thought that if might be relevant to discuss the challenges and benefits from having friends at work.

People who are pro-work place friendships will maintain that an office buddy or two could provide feedback on your performance or act as that proverbial sounding board. And naturally, an upside of maintaining a work place buddy is that they of course make coming to work enjoyable which can be directly related to your productivity. As a matter of fact, many companies including my new employer will put a premium ($$$) on referring your friends for employment. So that’s some of the good stuff.

Now, I must give equal time to the other side of the coin. Let’s start with a friendship that takes a turn for the worse. Some companies have policies that prohibit or discourage romantic fraternization among coworkers for this very reason. Things can turn ugly and certainly work against the productivity thing.

Also, you can run the risk of too much socializing with your friends which can quickly turn against you especially during performance review time (I’m speaking from personal experience). I know many backwards thinking draconian managers who do not favor this type of socializing saying that it is “productivity prevention” at its worse. An in some cases, friendships can create cliques and can alienate other office workers.

So here is the million dollar question: Once you click with a fellow coworker, should you invest in the relationship? Now before I address this I need to disclose that I’ve always taken a somewhat cynical attitude to friendship in that the term, ‘friendship’ is used way too loosely at times and people often confuse acquaintences with friendships – true friendships. But that’s for another posting…
So let’s talk about trust. For example, when you make friends with someone at the office, typically you eventually begin to reveal what you really think about managers, coworkers, etc. In the back of your mind you’ve got to be hoping they won’t divulge that information, intentionally or unintentionally, to anyone else. You need to really measure your trust in this person as your misguided confidence in their discretion could be a disaster for you at work – remember that!

When all said and done, you need to do what ultimately works for you and in that light I would like to give you some tips that will keep you grounded as you make your decision to make friends at work.

• Converse. People are social animals and need to talk to each other. If you would like to make friends at work you will need to talk to other people. I know way too many people, especially in an office with a lot of segregated offices, that almost never leave their offices except for a bathroom break or to get to a meeting. Talking could be good thing and talking about non-work related things can make the day enjoyable.
• Good listening. How many times are you in conversation, only to be waiting for your opportunity to interject or to reciprocate with a like experience? Good listening is something we could all improve upon, it is a precious skill and crucial for good friendship. Good listening will draw people to you, but watch out for those selfish many few that will only engage as their sounding board and never return the favor of being a good listener.
• Join other people (groups). Some companies have organized groups (prayer groups, WeightWatchers, lunch groups, etc.) that are just waiting for you to join. So keep an eye on lunchroom bulletin boards or intranet sites for these type of groups and when they meet and make a concerted effort to join.
• Avoid Losers Loners. Every workplace has this type of individual. You know that person: someone who for whatever reason choose to avoid the cliques and groups and sometimes disdain associations with others. Yes, I know if you’re the type of person that likes bring home stray puppies or like big improvement projects or have a lot to give go for it. Go for the lowest hanging fruit and stay with those who are open for socialization.
• Get Out of Your Comfort Zone. Let’s face it we all like what is familiar to us and find it comforting to stay in this comfort zone. For example, how many of you start a new job get friendly with only one or two people that you work closely with and never leave this clique? That can be an obstacle in your networking strategy (stay tuned for another posting on this one) and will prevent you from branching out and maximizing your relationship building within the organization. Step out of your comfort zone and seek out other people.
• “Do” Lunch. The quintessential opportunity to build relationships and friendships at work is what happens on your breaks. Lunch is a great opportunity to vent about your boss, your work, you spouse, children, parents or anything else that might be on your mind. ‘Breaking bread’ with people at work paves the way for long lasting and healthy friendships at work.
• Be inclusive not exclusive. Always include others in what you are going to do with your work friends. This is an excellent way to avoid becoming a clique. You’d be surprised in how many people will accept an offer when it is extended.