I’m completely and utterly exhausted with reality television. When did we as a society begin to lower our standards to remotely consider this voyeuristic obsession? Wikopedia has an exhaustive listing of over 450 reality shows dating back to the 60’s ranging from historical re-creations, dating, military, law enforcement, lifestyle changes, fantasy fulfillments, to hidden camera, reality game shows, and of course talent shows. What has happened to our society that has spurned such lack of creativity, imagination, and innovation in our entertainment based culture?

Somewhere between the stale, canned laughter of formulaic situation comedies and the mind-numbing, suicidal boredom of home movies lies…..reality shows. At some point towards the end of the twentieth century (do you really remember the late 80’s, early 90’s?), television exploded. Forty some-odd channels on a box evolved to two hundred with an eye-sore satellite dish planted in your backyard . Which in turn gave birth to digital cable, spawning about forty billion stations (with five local affiliates in each county). In the beginning of the twenty-first century, we had more channels than actual viewers. Stations like “The Naval Lint Network,” “Just for Humus Aficionados” and “Turner Colon Exam Still Shots” delivered proof that national programming was in need of a new premise. So a rather contemporary concept was re-conceptualized and then implemented. It was decided by TV execs that a new genre for the lobotomy demographic would do well. And to the surprise of all, Reality TV was, well, a reality.

Although Reality TV has been a guilty pleasure since the advent of broadcast television, there has never been such an vastness of ridiculous programming dedicated to such a genre. The year 2000, the new millennium, was anticipated to bring us convergence of technologies, lifestyles reminiscent of The Jetsons, and healthier/smarter ways to live our lives. In reality the year 2000 brought us Who Wants to be a Millionaire and Survivor. Who could forget Regis Philpin’s Beau Brummel attire and his “Is that your final answer?”. Or what about Richard Hatch’s pixelated genitalia displayed on the beaches of Puala Tiga in the South China Sea? From there a barrage of inane and mind-numbing programming which has assaulted our sensibilities as well as our intelligence.

So I’m watching TV with my wife – okay if you must know it was the news which of course is also Reality TV – and I see a commercial for yet another new Reality TV program called Phenomenon. This is of course the pinnacle of all this nonsense: it is Reality TV for NON-Reality. Uri Geller and Criss Angel host this ” Reality Game Show” to find the “next great mentalist.” This Israeli import has selected 10 mentalists who compete against each other each week by demonstrating “a wide spectrum of mystifying talents” on some suspecting and unsuspecting souls who will experience “spellbinding” illusions, with of course you guessed it, a studio audience.

If any TV execs are reading this I have a few ideas for some new Reality TV programming.

• “Survivor: The Herpes Peninsula”: a group of beautiful people trapped on an island with one hot woman and one hot man who both have genital herpes. The one who can survive 39 days without contracting the virus wins.
• “Big Brother: The Toilet Cam Years”: a camera is hidden on the inside basin of the commodes in the Big Brother house and all the participants are on a regulated diet except for one person. You need to guess which person it is and phone it in. That person has immunity for the next challenge.

TV Execs took a wrecking ball to the famed fourth wall and what we, the viewers are left with is a fetish for the extraordinarily ordinary. Ordinary is no longer something to be ashamed of. Ordinary has come out of the closet prancing around in a purple tutu trumpeting showtunes in the broad light of day. A, B, and Z level celebrities have found a loop hole to their fifteen minutes of fame by stretching it out with hours and hours of embarrassing, candid, behind-the-scenes looks into the kaleidoscopic splendor of their fame, their downfalls and, yes Sparky, their private moments. This type of genre has filled programming gaps with cosmetic banality. We’re all guilty of at very least tuning in to these types of shows like slowing down on the road to see some horrific and mortifying car wreck with multiple dismemberments and fatalities.

The basic problem with Reality TV is that most of it is not based in reality. The majority of the “celebrities” that appear on these shows are so far removed from your average working class or middle class viewer that what they do is boring. Show these people getting stuck in a traffic jam, while driving a Toyota Camry, and then getting chewed out by their boss for being late. That’s reality. Reality TV is everything but real and nothing real about it.